I’ve shared this story before, but never here on Tumblr.
So one day I went downtown to go to Barnes & Noble and on my way there I saw a huge group of people standing on the street corner waving signs protesting our current sinful world, the gays and the women wearing pants and whatever else was just pissing this (entirely white, entirely male) group of people off.
I managed to avoid them on the way in, but I had to stop at a crosswalk on the way back to my car and one of them accosted me.
Fundie: Excuse me, sir, but are you saved?
Me: No, thanks for asking though.
Fundie: But why? You look like a pretty smart guy, aren’t you worried about the state of your soul?
Me: Not especially. Besides, I read your book there (at which I pointed to his bible) and wasn’t especially impressed. A lot of meandering and conflicting stories, yanno?
Fundie: You read the bible? And weren’t impressed?
Me: Yep. You’ve read it, right? I mean the whole thing. Well, skipping the ‘begats’ is okay, I guess.
Fundie: Of course I have read the bible!
Me: Yeah? Would it be okay if we read my favorite verse then? While I wait for the light to change?
Fundie: Of course!
Me: Great! Flip over to Matthew, chapter 6, verse 5.
Fundie: (flips around the worn leatherbound bible) “And when you pray?”
Me: Yep, that’s the one.
Fundie: (reading aloud) “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others.”
Me: Huh! “Do not pray on street corners?” Is that really what it says? Here on this street corner? Sorry Jesus called you a hypocrite, dude. You have a great day!
At which point I walked off, back to my car.
Chigg is worth a million bucks.